Posted under Life & Me & My Thoughts
You know there are times when you were like bummed. Not knowing what life means. Not knowing what is the reason for breathing everyday. Not knowing the significance of your own presence in this world.
It’s like walking along side the road and then suddenly a giant don’t-know-what-it-looks-like monster popped out from no where and starts destroying things within your vicinity. I know this may sounds like stupid or insane but then you never know… some toxic waste products. I think I’m just going out of my mind… and a lot too.
Imagine that you life in a world full of surprises… where ultraman is not just a guy in a suit where you can see the zip on his back. I may not sound cool when there’s like monsters destroying things here and there, but then got ultraman weiiiiii.
Another one would be this Gaban heroes or something like that. They can change to like bug eyed heroes just by waving their hands… how cool is that. You know I have this so called dream… to change into like ultraman or any one of this bug eye heroes. Of course it’s like so cool and like you can impress girls of all ages… but then I’m not suppose to tell no. What a turn off disadvantage man.
You see I am young, I am a kid, I am a pure and clean sheet of white paper. You can scribble, you can draw or you can even paint, but it all reflects and it’s all visible in the end. However of course when it comes to a stage, I will have my eraser, liquid paper or anything that I can get my hands on to clean off unwanted smudges. We all do that, believe me, you do too. Believe me, and if you tell me know, it’s just a delusion that you have within yourself and your conscience, but then again I will not question that.
In this process itself, you know the erasing and scrubbing of the smudges, all the hard work and effort we might put in may only remove a small part if not any. If we are persistent enough we may cover it up with other colours or if you force your way through you may even tear a hole in it. Now tell me how’s your piece of paper doing or if you would your white canvas.
My so called canvas has some colourful abstract like images here and there. But in between these images, there are lots of holes if not waiting to tear at the slightest pulling of any sort. My canvas has become so fragile over the years or was is just within a few years? Of course for those that really want to scrutinized the work done on my canvas, there’s also a lot of holes here and there. You will notice how some areas have been painted brightly and then covered or surrounded by dark gloomy patches and then overlaid with other colours and so forth.
You know, the handle with care sign on my canvas just never does what it is suppose to do. You are suppose to handle it with care… can’t you read the words, if I’d put it as a design it would not be so freaking tidy and in block. Nevertheless, my canvas is still on display… to be worked on, by everyone… even if you tore it earlier.
May be I should just keep my canvas.
May be I should just tear it apart myself.
May be you could tear it up for me.
May be you want to patch it up for me…
bunnywunny on 19 Jul 2006 at 13:46:35 824 #
You know, sometimes it’s easier to let go and go with the flow, than fight the tide. Or in this analogy, to just scribble away and let your mind dictate the imagery. And resist from scrubbing and scratching. I learnt that the hard way, many many times. These days, I just leave it up to Him. Let Him do all the worrying, I just do the walking
Kyels on 19 Jul 2006 at 13:51:17 827 #
We all have our own canvases for people to color, paint and draw upon. But somehow those smudges may be erased but will you erase all those smudges?!
For me I will not because each and every smudge holds a significant memory in my mind and it was my past; let it be my memory, my own history. Those smudges may carry a beautiful memory (of how the smudge was created) or it may even be a bad reminiscence. It is how we view them in our own perspective. If people look at the canvas and started laughin’ crap outta their asses … I’d look at them and stick my tongue out.
Why?!
Simply because I have my own special canvas; that was beautifully drawn upon and there may be tears here and there. But that particular canvas carved me into who I am today. Without my canvas, I will never be the same person as I am standing right now; this moment.
Believe … We all have reasons to believe. I have mine too — always. Even though things may be down or fugly but miracles happen. The most important thing is to believe in yourself and to accept you for who you are because there can never be a clone of you.
(:
P.S. — Ultraman; reminds me of the days when I was young. Used to have figurines of Ultraman(s) and the monsters (substitution for Barbie dolls as I hate ‘em).
zeroimpact on 19 Jul 2006 at 14:55:06 871 #
bunnywunny
The ideal way is to let things be…
The best of us would try but still not succeed
I do try to let things be, but the soul wants to take control
I would still like it to be worked on by all…
Show me your skills
zeroimpact on 19 Jul 2006 at 15:09:25 881 #
Kyels
I so missed your tongue…
The smudges never goes off… believe me, even if we try
It’s just something to do in the moment
You did, you are and hope you will continue to paint on my canvas
I’ll paint a beautiful fairy for you if you let me
I don’t have ultraman figurines… can borrow ah…
I want to play with figurines…
Kyels on 19 Jul 2006 at 15:13:25 884 #
The figurines are long gone. We donated them to orphanages. They deserve those toys ’cause we are grown ups now. Me and my brothers.
Thank you and you will be painting in my canvas too. Everyone has the chance to do so in my life. Because each and everyone has a significant meaning once they step into my life — to paint in the canvas.
Yes, those smudges will never go off. It was meant to be there by all means — fate.
(:
zeroimpact on 19 Jul 2006 at 15:19:35 888 #
Kyels
It’s so good of you…
I am not such a person though… could not even part with my hair at hairdressers…
I still have most of my stuff unless mum threw it away…
I wonder what do you call a person like me?
Kyels on 19 Jul 2006 at 16:08:35 922 #
I’d love to keep those but then they are needy people so yeah.
And plus I no longer play with ‘em anymore. Well it’s good that you still keep your things because it has sentimental values.
(:
zeroimpact on 19 Jul 2006 at 16:39:25 944 #
Kyels
Yes everyone of them sparks memories…
You are kind in giving to the needy…
happysurfer on 20 Jul 2006 at 15:05:32 878 #
I believe smudges if they’re ugly and unwanted can be repainted with something more pleasant. Try it.
zeroimpact on 20 Jul 2006 at 16:43:54 947 #
happysurfer
Repainting does cover the smudges… but it will also lose it’s originality
Sometimes we leave it and be frustrated
Sometimes we repaint it and becomes more frustrated