Archive for the 'Anger' Category

August
27th 2006
Enigma – I Love You… I’ll Kill You
Expressed by zeroimpact on Sunday, 27th August, 2006, 238, 34 at 04:13:30 426

Posted under Anger & Me

Click here… to listen to the song

Song – I Love You… I’ll Kill You
Artist - Enigma

I see love, I can see passion
I feel danger, I feel obsession
Don’t play games with the ones who love you
Cause I hear a voice who says:
I love you… I kill you…

Loneliness, I feel loneliness in my room…

Look into the mirror of your soul
Love and hate are one in all
Sacrifice turns to revenge and believe me
You’ll see the face who’ll say:

I love you… I’ll kill you…
But I’ll love you forever

Loneliness, I feel loneliness in my room

I thought that I would never post this up… I thought that I will not need to…
Two things got to me… I’m not happy, I’m furious.
The devastation that was stirred caused my mind to shut down.
I drove at 150 just now.
Migraine at the same time.
I’m bind by words
You’re lucky
But soon
I love you… I’ll kill you
I really will
I will kill you

10 Expressions »

August
18th 2006
Offspring – Come Out And Play
Expressed by zeroimpact on Friday, 18th August, 2006, 229, 33 at 21:54:53 163

Posted under Anger & Me & My Thoughts

Song – Come Out And Play
Artist – Offspring

Like the latest fashion
Like a spreading disease
The kids are strappin’ on their way to the classroom
Getting weapons with the greatest of ease
The gangs stake their own campus locale
And if they catch you slippin’ then it’s all over pal
If one guy’s colors and the other’s don’t mix
They’re gonna bash it up
Hey - man you talkin’ back to me?
Take him out
You gotta keep’em separated
Hey - man you disrespecting
Take him out
You gotta keep’em separated
Hey they don’t pay no mind
If you’re under 18 you won’t be doing any time
Hey come out and play
By the time you hear the siren
It’s already too late
One goes to the morgue and the other to jail
One guy’s wasted and the other’s a waste
it goes down the same as the thousand before
No one’s getting smarter
No one’s learning the score
Your never ending spree of death and violence and hate
Is gonna tie your own rope

Click here… to listen to the song, but I must warn that this is a more toward rock and it’s loud and noisy so its not everyone’s favourite.

I have been bitchy today and yes guys can be bitchy too. I don’t know why, I can seem to control myself one minute and the next I’m Mr Hyde. I have good laugh in all the intervals today and that made me all the better but then… it’s still inside me, something bad.

I know the song is about differences… I think you get the idea. I have no such differences nor will I have that, but then my blood is rushing all over. I feel I’m losing control of my anger. I do not wish so but sometimes it’s just so hard to control.

I could really kill or be killed now… The feeling is just taking over my very soul.

Come out and play and don’t hide…
Why do I have these thoughts…
Oh please stop me someone…

10 Expressions »

August
10th 2006
Kill Me
Expressed by zeroimpact on Thursday, 10th August, 2006, 221, 32 at 15:58:44 915

Posted under Anger & Me & Rants

Do you know that you are not funny? What are you tying to do? Is this the thanks and gratitude I am supposed to receive? Have I not done enough? Have I not done ENOUGH?
Tell me!
TELL ME!
Every time I build my beautiful little sand castle and you come crashing down. Washing away everything that I have built. Washing away everything that I have put into building it.
You are killing me…
You hear me…
YOU ARE KILLING ME!!!
Why can’t you stop it…
Why can’t you stop it…
STOP TORTURING ME!!!
LET ME GO…
Let ME go…
Let me go…

16 Expressions »

August
10th 2006
Why Can’t You Not Make Me Cry
Expressed by zeroimpact on Thursday, 10th August, 2006, 221, 32 at 09:21:45 640

Posted under Anger & Fear & Life & Me & My Thoughts

You said you want me to smile
You said you’ll make me smile
But why are you making me cry
Why can’t you not make me cry

You said you’ll be there for me
You said you’ll stand by me
But why are you not here
Why are you so far away from here

You said you miss me
You said you love me
I hate these words you said
You’re not sincere when you said

Can’t you see every move you made
Can’t you see every word you said
Can’t you see every single thing you’ve done
Is nothing but what the devil would have done

You may not know what you’ve done
You may be naïve to know what you’ve done
You are killing me, killing me softly
I am fading, dying in your hands softly

I feel like crying
I am crying
I have been crying
Why can’t you not make me feel like crying

I hold out my hand
I bite my hand
I slashes my hand
I see the blood gushing on my hand

I feel nothing in my mind, body and soul
Have I lost this poor soul
It has been stolen by your soul
Leaving this body empty without it’s soul

Why can’t you not make me cry
Why can’t you not make me cry

Simple yet complicated. Can’t you see it. Damn it… can’t you see it. You may think this is a game, but don’t you think you should rethink again. Think of all the hurt you’ve caused… think of me… what’s my soul to you but a wandering spirit…

I wish I could end this… be free forever… as a soul… a wandering soul…
The ending of a life… the wandering of a soul… the death of a dream…

4 Expressions »

August
5th 2006
Burned
Expressed by zeroimpact on Saturday, 5th August, 2006, 216, 31 at 10:20:58 681

Posted under Anger & Fear & Life & Me & My Thoughts & Rants

I sleep a little pass 5 earlier today after a hang out session earlier but then again I am wide awake not even 9. This is like so fun, but then the lack of sleep, splitting head and tired eyes are just bugging me. It’s like I’m suppose to rest and sleep and less than 4 hours is like deadly or some what not so suitable. The night was great and the partners in crime… I could never doubt their existence which made me feel comfortable and most of all, I could feel myself. Though I could not feel myself but then I did. I am really grateful to have companions as such… it’s like I’m satisfied, and being taken away forever does not even matter at all.

I have been crazy lately… my mind insane mad… my body battered. And all of this thanks to my own hands. It’s covered with blood and it stains. There’s nothing one can do to us but if we let them and to do unto ourselves and it’s inexcusable.

It’s easy to give advice but then when it comes back to ourselves it’s like so strange and we can’t comprehend. It’s just so ironic. You know it’s like how can you help when you can’t be helped. I simply touched my forehead, it’s burning. My body too.

It’s been countless times, I just don’t feel myself, I really don’t. The recollection of thoughts, haunts me and killed me. I’m glad there’s been support behind me and I am really honoured to be your support. I’m glad that you can all stand up on your feet. I’m really glad and I smiled.

Listened to Truly Madly Deeply…
Head is splitting again…
Eyes… you know, you get what I mean
I wonder what it feels like… leaving on a plane, a jet plane

10 Expressions »

July
23rd 2006
A Race
Expressed by zeroimpact on Sunday, 23rd July, 2006, 203, 29 at 04:45:54 448

Posted under Anger & Me & My Thoughts & Rants

It’s not really a race, mind you. It’s just some people think others want to race them. It’s sometimes plain stupid, you very well know that you car is of better performance and you want to show it off to the lesser factory tuned car. Go get a life ok.

I was actually driving back at quite a speed so was trailing behind this white Altezza. I mean he was obviously slower than me so that’s why I was tailing it. I think he must have thought I was like a street racer with tuned cars, what a joke man. I drive a factory tuned car for the road, for everyone else so just accept it.

So I didn’t even care bout this Altezza, but went my own way… driving like normal. This Altezza tried to stay behind me with high beam and then overtake me. I mean do what you want, but if you can’t even overtake me then you don’t even deserve to drive such a car. I just went on my way and I must say I reach home from Wm to Cheras in like 15 minutes. A new time I must say.

I’m not sure if it was alternate personality again… I’m just not sure anymore. I’ve been drinking… no not before the ordeal. I drank when I am home this time.

Oh my…
Let me drink till I fall
Let me fall onto the ground
Let me fall
Let me fall

22 Expressions »

July
17th 2006
At First
Expressed by zeroimpact on Monday, 17th July, 2006, 197, 29 at 20:32:41 106

Posted under Anger & Life & Me & Rants

You know… I have kind of found solitary in Starbucks. I was hesitant actually at first, but then I decided to do so anyway. I have always been reading when I was younger… you know when you were like still in primary and may be some of you even in secondary. I was still reading even though when I graduated… but then I don’t know why it was kind of killed. May be there was another force in me that murders my reading habits. I realized that these few visits to Starbucks in BTS, I will always go to the magazines section even though I knew I would not buy as the magazines that I want, I have already bought them. However today it was weirder, I was not only browsing through the magazine section but I was looking at some books! I have not done this for so long, so freaking long!

I remembered reading stories like 20000 leagues under the sea, Sidney Sheldon’s novels, Hardy boys and I don’t think I remember the rest. They were like so interesting. I liked 20000 league under the sea which I read multiple times and I could only afford the paperback mini version of it at that time. The story was so interesting that I would not even put down the book if I can. I so wanted to take that journey deep under. Is there someone out there… who can take me on this journey. I want to get away, a holiday of adventure would do me good. But seriously, I believe nothing beats the imagination so try to read the book and imagine, not watch the movie.

Yes! I am once again at Starbucks… which I believe could be my church in the coming days, weeks, month or even years to come. That is if I would still have a laptop sitting here, but then again I believe without it also I may still find solitary here. Sometimes I am just puzzled… may be you don’t see eye to eye with me. May be I’m just stupid. May be I am just not worth it.

This is crap… I am sitting here now being bombarded by questions after questions. What do I have to do to tell you it’s not what you think? I am explaining but do you listen… NOOOO. You just say whatever you want and then what… you expect everything to be like that. I am a toy is it. Ok fine… I know stupid or impossible sometimes. This is all crap. This is all sick. I am only human. I do the things I do best. I have my principles. I have a life too.

When I say something I really mean it. When I do some thing I really mean it too. I am just like you. I also have feelings. I am seriously not feeling well now. I don’t know what is happening here. I cannot comprehend. I cannot comprehend. Walk out on me… leave me alone.

I should leave this place… now

8 Expressions »

July
12th 2006
I Don’t Want To Go Home
Expressed by zeroimpact on Wednesday, 12th July, 2006, 192, 28 at 20:32:00 105

Posted under Anger & Me & My Thoughts & Rants

Is what I want to do now… and I’m at Starbucks in Borders BTS now. What… I know this is madness. I love home, home sweet home. I don’t know… it’s just not in my agenda to go home today. Perhaps I can camp here overnight? However I think I would be chased out in another 2 hours I guess when they close.

I’m here sucking down one of the new flavours of drinks, which is the java chip. It’s been so long since I had an ice blended coffee… this is the first time I am actually sitting down here with a laptop and an ice blended coffee surfing n chatting. How ironic. I could be happily sitting back at home comfortably and yet I am here. With no intake of food for the day… I think I feel very much energized.

This is freaking…I am freaking myself. What the hell is happening? What is all this? What the meaning of this? Am I still human? Am I dreaming?

A painful soul… shivering and burning lies dead in the dead of the crowd. Staring blankly into the ceiling. Everything seems to turn to black and white. Sounds slowly muted to nothing. Visions slowly blurs from monochrome to darkness. The light dims… darkness prevail once again. Where is the light? Where is my soul…

6 Expressions »

June
16th 2006
Molested By Schoolmates
Expressed by zeroimpact on Friday, 16th June, 2006, 166, 24 at 23:21:59 223

Posted under Anger & Everyday Life & Life & My Thoughts

ThestarMolested by schoolmates

I heard bout this yesterday, but then I keep telling myself it might not be happening. I heard it again this morning, I couldn’t have been listening to wrong information of the same thing 2 days in a row… hhhmmmm.

I was totally shocked and if not for my hands and legs working by themselves unconsciously I would have been involved in a accident. I am still in awe hearing such things about our schools though no here in Kay Elle but in Alor Star, but it’s still not comforting. If you don’t know what I am blabbing about, it’s the case of the female student being molested in class. Yes a female student being molested in class by a group of male students. And the headmaster dared to reply to the angry parent that because his daughter was beautiful then only the male students molested her. If I was the father, I would call for all of my might and hope that I was a barbarian and uppercut him to the ceiling. What an uneducated and uncivilized headmaster he is.

I am no parent but I feel the rage in me. I remember back then during my schooling days, no matter how crooked or naughty or bad was the students then, the most would be gang fights, swearing or may be paying truant. I remember even the notorious ones in my school respected teachers.

This piece of news saddened me as it shows that the young ones are becoming uncontrollable. I remember I welled up so much courage just to hold the hand of a girl, and I sweated like mad during the ordeal. Nervous you know… I’m very very shy. I don’t know why but the thought of sex was even present at that time, at least to me. I would not say no but it was not dominant and definitely I don’t see sex everytime I chat or see or have activities with anyone of the opposite sex.

The very thought of this brings anger and disappointment. It is at these times that I think that the end of the world is close at hand, or may be I am hoping for it. To see that mankind disappears in one meteor impact or what ever catastrophe would be so much comforting than having to walk, talk and live in fear. Better than to see mankind turning into savages running dry of humanity, becoming far worse than any animal or monsters.

I know that this may not be right, to think like that, but I have just seen and heard too much of these things to keep quiet and pretend nothing happened. What should we do with these people? Convict them like adults? Just because they are underage, does that mean they should be dropped of all charges and just be sent to some special schools for people like them? Is it fair that because of them, others should live in fear?

I do not know much of the law of things of that matter but I know this fellow student will be badly affected in her life later and it will take so much effort and time to heal her. I think it’s time for us to think back and may be these so called young adults should carry the weights of what they do on their shoulders. May be it’s time that we should convict them as adults for the things they did.

11 Expressions »

June
15th 2006
Mouse In The House
Expressed by zeroimpact on Thursday, 15th June, 2006, 165, 24 at 22:18:57 179

Posted under Anger & Me & Rants

And I’m not talking about Mickey or his girlfriend Minnie. It’s just not fun when this uninvited guest decides to stay and doing it’s business here and there. It’s not fun to walk in the dark and this squeaking furry creature runs for it’s life and into my feet. I was scared OK, real scared, but luckily it did not sink it’s sharp little teeth to savour my fleshless feet.

It’s been 2 days since this little guest made an unwelcome stay and in the process broke an egg and made a mess of the kitchen. Apart from that, it always went doing it’s business in our washing machine and near the stove. It’s a total mess, I mean I would still not like it to overstay it’s welcome, but then if it was trained and does it’s business in the washroom I guess I might be a little bit more tolerant. However since it does not have that discipline, it’s in the top of the list from our To-Get-Rid-Of list.

We have tried the civilized way where we opened the window so it may just walk out like a perfect gentleman but no it decides to stay a little longer. We have laid some sticky glue stuff to trap it but then yesterday it managed to grab one piece of the bait ala mission impossible 3 style and ran into my feet and scared me. We will try the sticky stuff again tonight hoping to catch it once and for all.

Psstttt… don’t tell it bout our plans ok. If you do, then tell him to leave by the window which will be opened just enough for it to walk out peacefully. I hope they aren’t high tech and surfing the net, imagine them reading my post or did a research on mousetrap!!!

If anyone got good ideas to either catch or negotiate with mice, do let me know ok… successful ideas will be handsomely rewarded…

16 Expressions »

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